On this page: She Blew the Money and Lied, Ken Won’t Wear Panties for Her, Man Won’t Hold Purse
She Blew the Money and Lied To Her Boyfriend About It
Dear Midas Jones – I told a lie to my boyfriend “Jeff” and now I feel guilty about it. He gave me $700 for my birthday. The cash was for me to buy a new flat panel monitor for my personal computer – something that I want very much. I am a programmer at a state university in Arizona and I don’t make a lot of money. Jeff owns a pawn shop and he makes a lot more than I do. He is not technical at all, and he assumed I would do a better job of deciding which monitor would be best for me, so he gave me cash so I could pick out the best one. Instead of buying the monitor, I blew the money at a local spa, getting the deluxe treatment: mud pack, facial, manicure, pedicure, exfoliation, etc. When he asked me why I hadn’t bought the monitor, I broke down crying (I was very stressed about the situation so the tears came easily) and I told him that the money was stolen from my wallet while I was at the gym. I said that I had forgotten to put my padlock on the locker and someone must have stolen the cash. I said that all my credit cards and the wallet itself was left in my purse by the thief and only the cash was taken. He was so overcome by my distress that he took me straight to an electronics store and bought me a monitor. I feel guilty and want to confess to him what I really did. He is a great guy and I don’t want to lose him. How can I tell him what I did in a way that he will forgive me? – Monica
Dear Monica – One of the principals of Machiavellian living is that “a lie is forever.” Once you have told a lie, it must never be untold. You may regret what you did, but the past cannot be undone. If you now reveal to Jeff that you lied about using the money for expensive treatments at the spa, then his faith and trust in you will be compromised forever. How would it make his life better if you reveal to him that he loves a woman who deceives him? It is best for Jeff’s peace of mind that he continue to believe in you. Jeff is a guy who likes use money to take care of his woman, so let him. He also likes to play the role of rescuer, saving his own Lois Lane from misfortune. Why take that away from him? It makes him feel more like a man and I can’t see how it hurts you any. Is Jeff hurt by what you did? Not at all, but only because he doesn’t know about it. However, if you confess that you lied, then he will be hurt.
Your problem is not the fact that you deceived Jeff and then lied about it. You have two problems: impulsiveness and guilt. First, you impulsively blew that cash. A good Machiavellian is not impulsive. Everything is planned, even spontaneity. Did you imagine that he would never ask about the monitor? Second, you lied impulsively. It was lucky for you that Jeff could not see through your lie. Being in the pawn shop business, Jeff is familiar with thieves, so your impulsive lie was a fortunate one. Lies must be carefully planned, usually, and when told they are forever. Never let anyone catch you lying. Honesty is usually the best policy, because if someone catches you telling the truth it usually won’t hurt you, but if you are caught lying it usually does. You should have thought through how you were going to handle it before he confronted you. If you are going to lie about something, plan it more carefully.
Secondly, I can’t see how it helps Jeff or you for you to feel guilty. Guilt is just a way of punishing yourself. It is self-destructive. It makes you withdraw from your relationship with Jeff, which is confusing to him because he feels like he rescued you.
Pay Jeff back in bed. You spent the whole $700 on making your body prettier. Show him the pretty body he unknowingly helped pay for and treat him to his favorite fantasy – and pull out the stops.
And remember, no more spontaneous behavior! -- Good Luck, Midas
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Ken Won’t Wear Panties for His Woman
Dear Midas Jones – My wife “Tiff” and I are in a little tiff over sex-play. We were in bed, just getting warmed up, when Tiffany – totally out of the blue – asked me to put on the thong panties I had just pulled off of her – and pose for her. I took it as a joke – Tiff has a quirky sense of humor – and I shot the panties at her face like a giant rubber band. Tiff looked miffed and tossed them back to me. “I wasn’t kidding,” she said. “I think it would turn me on.”
I was confused by her odd request and was even more confused that she actually thought I would cross-dress. “Sorry Sweetheart,” I said. “I am not you panty-boy.” I tossed the panties back to her. “Now what do you say that we get back to what we both like?” Tiff got into a bit of a huff and all I got from her that evening was the suggestion that a cold shower might be my best option.
Tiff has since drawn a line in the sand, saying that if she can wear high heels for me then I can wear panties for her. When I asked her what the hell that meant, she got a case of the females and said that if I didn’t know, there was no point in her telling me.
Let me state without reservation that Tiff is the real deal for me. Like the movie said, she makes me want to be a better man. I want desperately to keep her, but I don’t want to become her panty boy. Help! – Kenneth
Dear Ken – You fool! You should have put on the panties and allowed Tiff to guide you through the sexual fantasy that she wanted to explore. After she had satisfied herself, I suspect that Tiff would have put a lot of energy into satisfying you. Then, you could have questioned Tiffany for details about her fantasy, its history, when she first imagined it, whether other men had ever done this for her, etc. The intimacy would have been intense, and your woman would be much more strongly grafted to her man afterward.
You had a golden opportunity to please Tiffany without spending a cent or wasting much time -- something that doesn’t happen very often. And, you blew it. Would donning a pair of thong panties turn you into a homosexual? Made you into a pervert? Would the filmy cloth have burned your skin? No! Was Tiff trying to diminish your masculinity or make you an object of ridicule? I suspect not. I don’t think it was about you at all. I think Tiff just wanted to explore herself, and she invited you to help her. Wearing her panties would have felt sort of like wearing a jock strap – not great but not as uncomfortable as wearing a suit and tie – and your wench would have turned her lust-meter up a few hundred points for you.
This should have been a no-brainer: when you can trade something of little value for something of great value, then you should do it. Tiff was asking practically nothing of you, and was offering – if you had been able to perceive it – a wonderful opportunity for you. She opened up a secret part of herself to you, and you spurned her offer.
My suggestion to you is this: greet Tiff on bended knee wearing only those panties and offering a dozen roses. Tell her that you are an idiot and that you want very much to make amends for being one. Ask her to help you learn how to please her. Her fantasy could be an expression of many different feelings. Perhaps she is just a mischevious five-year old who wants to see a boy’s thing in her naughty garments. Perhaps she has fantasized about having a penis of her own – a la Freud – and this is one way to get a penis in her pants. Perhaps she fantasizes about cross-dressing herself and wants to broach the subject with you. Whatever it is, this fantasy is an open door into the most secret part of the mind of the woman you love. Don’t slam it shut. Open it and walk in. She is there, just inside that door in the dark waiting for you.
Try to get into it, and if you can’t then fake it. She wears high heels because you think they are sexy (this is what she was saying to you). She does not think they are sexy; she thinks they make her toes hurt. That is to say, she is faking it when she wears heels for you. You can fake it a little for her if you have to.
Also, think about your masculinity a little. If your sense of being male is threatened by slipping on a garment that weighs about as much as a Kleenex, then you need to understand why you have so little confidence in yourself. Imagine Clint Eastwood in a pair of thong panties. Would his masculinity crumble because he was wearing a little gauzy cloth? Or would he just stand there with his trademark smirk and deal with his woman?
You said that Tiffany makes you want to be a better man, and that suggests to me that Tiffany is indeed the real deal. Tiff has drawn a line in the sand. She is waiting to see if you will step across the line and join her. Don’t blow it again! -- Good Luck, Midas
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Man Won’t Hold Purse
Dear Midas Jones - My wife and I were shopping in the neighborhood mall yesterday. Her purse kept slipping off her shoulder and annoying her while she was looking at some blouses. “Please hold this for me,” she said as she handed it to me. “I’m not going to stand here and hold a purse!” I replied. She gave me a big eye roll and said, “Why don’t you go look at the plumbing supplies.” Recognizing that look, I went to the bookstore and read magazines until she rang my cell phone an hour later. I don’t want her to put me in that position again, but I’m not sure how to tell her that a real man doesn’t stand in the mall holding a purse. Help me phrase my argument. - Wallace
Dear Wally - The best answer I can think of to the question you asked me is this: “Sweetheart, I am very insecure about my masculinity and my self-esteem is based entirely on what other people think of me. I am, as you surely know by now, a weak man. If you make me hold your purse, I’m afraid others will think I am gay or pussy-whipped. Please don’t expect me to hold your purse because it makes me afraid that others are thinking bad things about me.” I am pretty sure this will persuade her not to expect you to hold her purse.
Personally, I think you asked the wrong question. A better question would be, “Why does it bother me when I imagine myself holding my wife’s purse in the mall?” My answer to that question is this: It would have taken minimal effort to hold your wife’s purse for her. Even if her purse is a big one stuffed with junk she never uses, I am sure you are strong enough to hold it for fifteen minutes. The problem is that your self-esteem is based way too much on what others think of you. What bothers you is what you think others are thinking when they see you. You should gain more insight into yourself and make yourself into a more confident personality. The truth is that most people who pass by will not notice you and will think nothing about you. Only a few will notice you at all. Some of them will simply think you are holding your wife’s purse for her while she shops. Some of them - especially younger or more shallow men - will think you are a wuss because you are holding your wife’s purse. In their simple minds there are formulas like “Harley = boy” and “purse = girl.” Emotionally, they are still ten years old, and you are letting yourself be controlled by your fear of what shallow or immature men might think of you - men whose opinions on any other topic would probably arouse your contempt.
The Machiavellian principle here is this: Your self-esteem should be based on what you think of yourself; not on what others think and especially not on what idiots think. If you know that you are a strong masculine personality and a capable husband, then how can holding a purse change that? How can the unknown thoughts of strangers in the mall change that? You need to base your self-esteem on your own assessment of how well you are achieving your own goals and taking care of your own domain - not on what you think someone else might be thinking about what you think.
As for your wife, be sure to tell her that you have re-thought your response to her request and that you would be happy to hold her purse for her in the future; that holding a purse does not make you more or less of a man. This will give you practice ignoring the opinions of others and will be a useful mental exercise for you - Good Luck, Midas
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